What an INFP secretly loves about their INTP friend.

Sometimes people get confused about these two personality types. I used to, back when I did my A-levels in maths and physics before betting full on writing, I wasn’t sure which one I was. In some ways we’re very similar. Both types have very strong beliefs, whether these are moral or logical.

Although those of you more familiar with the MBTI will probably say “there’s one letter difference but they are totally different, nearly opposites” or something along those lines. Both INTP’s and INFP’s tend to often be enneagram type 5s and 4s which are (to put it bluntly) loners and special snowflakes at times. They share intense passion for being true to themselves and to ideas. They also have strong opinions about each other.

Here are the positives us INFP’s see in our INTP friends.

1) Your ability to detach form emotions in a conflict. 

It’s an admirable trait. We know you’re human and give into emotions, but you are way better at managing them than us. You know when to walk away and be the smart one in an argument.

2) That you always give the best advice.

We can count on your levelheadedness to gives us the best advice, taking into account all the context. Not only can you detach from emotions, but you can see what part they can play in decision making. It’s brilliant. We wish we had it.

3) You tell us the truth, not what we want to hear.

There’s no one better than you to ask for an honest opinion about out art or anything else.  

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4) You give us space.

You’re very introverted like us, so you know when to step away and you have no problem with us ignoring you, because you probably don’t take small gestures like that seriously, unlike out emotional INFP selves.

5) You can distinguish us from those ISFP’s

You see the difference between the melancholy of the INFP and the bright attention grabbing of the INFP. Thanks for that, we really appreciate it. We don’t really like unicorns, and we get pissed off by not being able to draw like the S’.

Do you agree? What do you love about INTPs or INFPs?

 

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Living with disgust and guilt- my experience of OCD and what it is not (personal).

It took me about a year to go to the doctors, since my symptoms started. At first I thought they’d go away by themselves, the thoughts, I’ve felt like that before and it was over in about two months. I was scared. It took me half a year to tell my boyfriend what vile thoughts I’ve been having about cheating on him, and that I deserve to be dumped and not loved by anyone again. The harder I tried to stop thinking about them, the more of them appeared and the more of my day was dedicated to pacing about my room, sweating, trying to “explain” or “undo” the thoughts I had. To persuade myself that they weren’t real. I kept telling my boyfriend that “it wasn’t me.”

When I opened up to my parents, they said it’s my boyfriend’s fault and that I should dump him if he makes me feel like I’m cheating. They didn’t understand a single word I was saying to them. I felt alone, and stuck. For months, I wasn’t able to get a good night’s sleep or eat very well. The more time passed, the worse I got. My compulsions became physical. I stopped wearing nice clothes or make up. Blocked people on social media, stopped talking to a lot of good friends, but none of it lifted the constant guilt and anxiety I had over cheating.

Then, when my boyfriend finally persuaded me to get a doctor’s appointment, after I kept “confessing” to him as a compulsion. My step-mother told me not to go because they’d “just put you on antidepressants” and said to try and eat better and exercise instead. When I did finally go, I was on a waiting list for therapy for about 2 months and ended up not being able to make the appointment times. This dragged, I moved to uni and struggled to make friends, outside of a small group. Going out was a complete an absolute no. This lasted until last summer, when I finished CBT over the telephone, and learnt to manage the OCD.

I wasn’t cured, or freed of it. The thoughts are still there, but they don’t bother me anymore, unless I’m under more stress than usual, but I have the tools to snap out of the anxious circle almost immediately.

Why did it take me so long to tell someone about the suffering I went through inside? I thought OCD was something else. I looked online and no mental health problem “suited” my symptoms. I was desperate and sometimes ready to self harm… I felt like the constant vile reoccurring thoughts I’d had were mine and that it just meant that I am a bad person and had to learn to deal with it. I’d always thought OCD was about people who put things in order or clean too much. This awful stigma on OCD actually made it very hard for me to get diagnosed early, and is a symptom and problem for many people who suffer in silence for literal decades.

This is what I want to spread awareness of and about. It is why I will never be okay with “I’m a little bit OCD” used as a casual comment. OCD is a DISORDER, there is nothing positive about it. I’m not here to blame people, but when I hear a misconception I explain it politely. I wouldn’t wish the constant anxiety caused by OCD on anybody. IMG_20170707_205128

To find out more about OCD you can visit ocduk.org and  ocdaction.org.uk

Hack your life- reasons to find your personality type.

When I mention my interest in perosnality types, a lot of people turn off. Being a very talkative person once I “open up”  probably doesn’t help.  The most popular response I get to my spoken essays on personality are “I don’t really believe in that,” usually because people think I’m talking about pseudo science or a strange form of horoscope. Others will say everyone’s different and you can’t box everyone into 16 types. My boyfriend says that if you do, it’s proof that we live in a computer simulation.

Funnily enough, your opinion on personality types often depends on your type. (It’s the ENFPs that usually call it out as BS and the enneagram 4s get mad about how they’re portrayed.)

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The most important reason to know your personality type, to me, is to not be alone in how you feel. This goes especially towards the introverted types. Sometimes it’s just that much better to realise that the circular thought processes you have all the time are not unique to you. It’s also a starting point to finding those other people and sharing how to become better together, or just make very understanding friends! The first people I met with my personality type are the ones that made me understand how “far” I felt from other people, in how I viewed the world. I don’t think I was fully immersed in friendships before. After spilling out my thoughts and worries to my friends, a lot of them would say “I’m trying to understand you, I know where you’re coming from, but I just can’t see the problem.”

Even if we don’t fit into a category type (which we obviously don’t) we get a general sense of who we are and how we can improve. There’s space for us to understand how our childhood, upbringing or basic fears dictate how we go about life. This sort of contemplation, even if you don’t find a specific type, can help you resolve some of your inner conflicts and imrpove yourself as a person. You’ll begin realising why you always feel the need to stand out, or need to have liberal views, take more time for yourself, or create art.

The most important thing you can learn if you delve into any personality typing method, is how different other people really are. If you give all the personality type’s brief descriptions a read, you may see the reflection of your parents, family and friends in them. Who know what you’ll find out! Maybe how to finally talk to them or persuade them to understand your view. You will find out how to communicate.

Interested? Don’t know where to start or what to type into google?

The most interesting and fastes to understand is the MBTI persoanlity model. It’s based on Carl Jung, you may have coem across it at university or at work. It’s got basic features, but people have complicated it as far as they can. You can take an online test here. This should give a you a rough idea of your type. Readthe description and see if you agree. Read the others. Join facebook groups, look on tumblr and twitter and enjoy finding like minded people.

Want to go deeper? Try the enneagram or the big 5. Enjoy the ride.

Here to answer any questions. Do you know your type? Has it helped you in any way?

 

 

 

 

The Horseshoe (An Ode to Freedom)

How noble of you to exist
a smudge of cursive ink
a desk note on peace.

In 2017, when you’re electronic
or in someone’s speech
you get punched
because you’re technically a nazi.

I see your bandaged face
defending “citizens of the world”
that my great grandmother saw
raping her friend in the doorway,
because they were technically fighting nazis.

You allow piles of words
to scatter the mind of a floor,
where the strongest cunts take lead
putting rhetoric to people’s throats,
one murder from utopia at a time.

Although my voice shakes now,
you let me speak,
with the aid of adrenalin
taking my place against the self righteousness
in a lecture hall full of academics
who see anything right of Lenin
as technically nazi.

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(The poem began its life after this picture was taken, at the 200 degrees cafe in Leicester. I wrote and read it fro the open mic even at DMU.)

Why being an INFP sucks

1) Never ending compulsion for creating art.

Trust me when I say compulsion, I’ve had OCD. It’s a constant need, like an itch at your finger tips to put your ideas down to paper. You’ve thought through something so many times, or have an eureka moment in the shower, that you just need show others. The problem we have is not with thinking of ideas, but of how we want to show them. I write because I need to share, but I suck at drawring and I never ended up going to music school in the end.

2)  Feeling EVERYTHING.

Having no choice but to feel. Finding it very difficult not to empathise, to the point where we understand everyone else’s point of view and forget who we want to support, logically. This feature also makes us cry a lot and make us waste a lot of time on day dreaming and appriciating art. At the end of our art engagement sessions we feel a lot better, but then sad because we can’t prove to the rest of the world that we achieved a mile stone in our thoughts.

3) Wanting to be heard whilst not wanting to show off.

It’s a weird paradox. I have a strong part of this coming from the type 4 enneagram, but it’s prominent with most of my INFP friends. We want other people to hear our ideas, but we can’t stand showing off or havig to “promote” ourselves or do any sort of marketing. This isn’t laziness, it’s a mental block. We want to be anonymous because then we can be more honest with ourselves, and can be judged purley on our work.

4) Sentimentality

Not being ablee to let go of onjects from the past, attaching feelings to the most insignificant things. Opening up about it  to early to potential friends and hence ruining our chances of being “normal.”

5) Perfectionsim

This is probably fueled by fear experienced some time in childhood. We’re sensitive and in order to protect ourselves from everything we need to be in control of it by having everything perfect and being perfect. We often put ourselves down and compare out life to unrealistic goals.

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What’s your MBTI type? Do you have any pet peeves about it?

Begginer poetry tips (and how they’ll help your blog)

So – you want to write poetry? You should. Even if it’s just as a personal exercise, to pin point your emotions, to ground your self in the world (we’ll get onto that) and be sharper at writing. The last one being an obvious plus for all you bloggers out there.

I’ve tweeted this before for the unpopular opinions hashtag : I don’t care about the quality of photography on your blog, as long as you write well. Photography has it’s place, but writing needs to grip. Make me feel like I’m reading someone’s secret life diary through dial-up at 11 pm. Poetry will help you extend the aesthetic of your blog from your header and photography into your writing.

Here are some simple tips for writing poetry, that will grip your audience.

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1) Use the five senses.

Don’t just stick to telling us how the product works. Say how it feels and smells, what it reminds you off.  Don’t just review from your perspective, immerse your readers into the review with you. Tansport them into the world of your blog and your lifestyle. Most people read for excapism, give them escape!

Remember that people have particularily strong associacions with smells which you can play on.

2) Avoid cliches, be original in your comparisions.

This is difficult to do. Sometimes work can be full of cliches. It’s difficult to come up with an original alternative that is bizzare enough to spark interest, but not loose anyone. Try using examples fomr your life (you’d be suprised how many people have simmilar associations) like summer and bruises, cherry blossom and cosy evenings or something. Try to use associations full of sensory detail to hook people in your poem or post.

3) Use as little words as possible. 

Sometimes a lot of words is good, it sounds more chatty and makes your poem (or blog) sound more like you. A lot of the time though, immersion and engagment come from saying as much as you can, in as small a space as you can.

Sometimes the things you leave out have more impact. Think of poetry as a flatlay of words for a salad recipie.

4) Write first, edit later.

We all know what it’s like to stare at a screen thinking of the first sentence. A good way of writing poetry and blogs, is to focus on just writing anything that comes to your mind. Don’t censor yourself. The more words you can work with, the better. Once you’ve got a field of text, plough it with the three rules above.

5) LIE

Don’t lie about not being sponsored. Lie about your life. Does anyone really know what happened at that party you went to as a teenager? Let yourself bend reality a little to create a better story. Sometimes it’s more believable, especially in fiction.

Feel free to send any questions or poetry! I’m so ready to read it.

 

 

 

 

 

Twatter- Poem

Even if I don’t have success
my twitter bio will.
My marble instagram and brallette,
channel no 5 and Mac Russian Red,
internship, daddy’s money
depression and anxiety
cuddling me in a microfiber blanket.

I’m not relavent, not POC or gay,
just another slav slave
(if you trust Nazi etymology)
my typos make it look as if I can’t spell.

I grew up with a single father,
but that’s doesn’t count for victim points,
because I’m white and straight,
maybe as a woman I could get a job
in engineerig, but I happened to fail physics
my teacher was a woman.

I’ll delete the app of my phone,
sunlight is easier on my eyes,
my melatonin doesn’t get fucked up
I can go to sleep at 11,
it’s better for my OCD
not to see half naked bodies
and people boasting
about how good masturbation is.

I wanted a conversation

.daria